Commemorative
by vernajast
Summary: It wasn't about love. It was about Itachi. 'I refuse to live in his shadow.' Sasuke needed Kakashi to understand that. Sasuke/Kakashi. Cheating, alcohol, questionable activities, smut, jealousy. Read warnings please. M for content.


_**Warnings: **Questionable sexual activity, short smut later, cheating, alcohol, maybe other warnings. I think you'll either love it or hate it. I'm in the middle on it. Written a year ago for a contest on Y! and just getting posted here. Sorta wondering if it's too racy for FF, even with the mature rating. (Probably.) _

_KakaIru and NaruSasu in the background, but this is a story about **Kakashi and Sasuke**, a pairing I alternately hate and use to make points on occasion. Well, and it's about Itachi, of course. I'll be honest, this story squicks me (and I wrote it)._

* * *

**Commemorative**  
**by vernajast**

_sasuke x kakashi  
(naruto x sasuke and kakashi x iruka in the background)_**  
**  
_**It wasn't about love; it was about Itachi.  
("I refuse to live in his shadow."**_**_)_  
**

**(Sasuke, ages 3 and 12)**

_"Little brother. Come here."_

_A small, black-haired boy came bounding in from a distant room._

_"Nii-chan! You're back!" He ran straight into Itachi's arms, happily allowing his older brother to scoop him up and prop him on his hip._

_"Only just for a moment, Sasuke. I'd like you to meet Kakashi." Itachi inclined his head toward the masked man beside him._

_"O-ohayo." The boy stared incredulously at the masked man, clearly torn between fascination and apprehension. Unexpectedly, he reached out and yanked at Kakashi's mask. Itachi winced, but his half-smile returned when Kakashi did nothing more than adopt a pleasant expression and hook the mask under his chin._

_"Sasuke, I'm heading out on a new mission. Kakashi will do your katas today while Father and I are away." The older Uchiha boy glanced at his partner, adding, "He'll return tomorrow. Just go twice through basic positions, and then see if you can get him to follow you on something slightly harder." _

_The little boy in his arms squirmed, and Itachi loosened his grip, dropping him carefully to his feet. "You must listen to Kakashi."_

_"Yes, nii-chan," the boy replied gravely._

_With a nod to Kakashi, Itachi stepped outside and disappeared. The silver-haired teenager looked down at the small child who was just as expectantly looking up at Kakashi. "So, wanna head to the training room and show me your basics? We can do them side-by-side."_

_The boy nodded rapidly, his wide black eyes having lost all fear, now only full of admiration. He jabbed a tiny finger into Kakashi's gloved, then slipped his small into the jounin's grasp. "Let's go!"_

_They spent the afternoon doing katas, and Sasuke quickly moved past the basics and into something a bit harder. The boy learned quickly, paid attention, and seemed to posses the in-born, single-minded determination Kakashi recognized as an Uchiha trait the brothers shared. _

Standing atop a rocky mountainside was quite different from the Uchiha training center. Teaching chidori, however, was going much the same as training Sasuke to do the katas so long ago. Occasionally, a wisp of Itachi would surface: the way Sasuke placed a hand on Kakashi's arm, the shifting darkness of his eyes, the perfect stance and execution.

He watched Sasuke produce his second chidori of the day, proud of his star pupil, his pride only tinged with the regret that he'd left Naruto in the village to focus on the Uchiha. Naruto was in good hands, however, and no matter what Itachi had done, Kakashi owed him this.

A pale hand landed on the paler skin of Kakashi's arm. "Kakashi?" Sasuke's elegant brow arched in question.

"Eh...yes?"

"You were staring off into space."

"Oh. Sorry. Good work on that last one. Please take a break." Sasuke slipped his hand into Kakashi's, ignoring the surprised expression in his sensei's exposed eye.

"You, too. You need a rest." He dragged the older man over toward the shade, slumping to the ground and pulling Kakashi down with him, relinquishing his hand as he settled against his sensei's shoulder.

The pair sat in companionable silence until Sasuke spoke again: "You were friends with Itachi." It wasn't meant to be accusatory, but it did come off sounding slightly strained.

"That's correct. We were…friends. Why do you ask?"

"From what he said to me that-that day, he should have killed _you_ instead of our cousin, _could_ have killed you." He seemed to be considering, weighing his words carefully. "But he didn't. And...I'm glad," the dark haired boy mumbled under his breath before jumping to his feet and stomping away.

Kakashi watched his back grow smaller, completely disabled by the candor of the boy's odd admission, even if he didn't understand everything said. For Sasuke to be happy about something like that, and then to actually admit it out loud...

* * *

**(Sasuke, age 15) **

Kakashi could feel the blond's anticipation even before he reached the cluttered apartment on the edge of town.

_knock, knock, knock_

For this occasion only, he would knock and be invited in like a normal person.

"Kaka-sensei! Uh, thanks for coming. Iruka-sensei has to work, so..." Naruto raised a hand to the back of his head in embarrassment, letting the words slide into nothing.

"It's no problem. Iruka explained everything." He took a seat on one of the yellow embroidered cushions on the floor, sipping the tea Naruto had prepared. It was bitter and already too cold to drink. "So, what do we do first?"

"Well, here, let me go get the cake!" Naruto ran to the 'kitchen,' a corner of the room marked off by repulsive green tile. He opened a cupboard, bringing out a small cake with four wedges cut into it. It's plain white icing was decorated with "Happy Birthday, Sasuke" written in blue icing and a scrawling but graceful handwriting that could only belong to Iruka.

Naruto lit a single dark blue candle and stuck it into the icing. "Okay, sensei; let's sing!"

"Sing?" Kakashi asked, only half-believing what the boy was suggesting.

"Of course! For Sasuke!"

"But he's not here."

"That's not the point! You said you would help! Iruka-sensei said you would help! So help, already!"

Kakashi considered further argument, but the blond's legendary persistence was a force to be reckoned with, so he let it go. With an indifferent sigh befitting Shikamaru, the Copy-nin nodded.

"Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You!" They sang together. Then, Naruto's voice rose above Kakashi's to add, "You look like a teme, and you smell like one too!" He leaned forward and blew out the candle.

Arching a silver brow, Kakashi smiled behind his mask, bringing a grin to Naruto's face as the boy started doling out cake. As much as Naruto had grown in the last three years, he was still the same. "Kakashi-sensei, we have to save a piece for Iruka-sensei! And I'm going to eat an extra piece for Sasuke, since he can't be here." He shoved a plate toward the masked jounin, shoving away all of the reasons why Sasuke couldn't be there. "Here you go! Dig in!" The boy was still grinning, teeth already blue from the dark icing words, and Kakashi chuckled before turning away to eat his own cake.

* * *

It was nearly past midnight, but Kakashi lay in bed staring at the ceiling beside a dozing Iruka. He was thinking about the ritual. Naruto celebrated Sasuke's birthday every year. It was traditional; a constant in an otherwise inconsistent life. He even went so far as to buy—

A knock at the window interrupted his thoughts and Kakashi padded silently across the room.

The jounin's strict self-discipline and black mask were the only things keeping his shock from showing. Through the thin layer of glass, he could see Sasuke plainly kneeling on the ledge, waiting for him to open the window.

When Kakashi hesitated, Sasuke mouthed his name.

Grudgingly, he slid the window open and leaned out on his elbows. _This is a very bad idea…_ he berated himself as Sasuke came to stand nearby, mostly hidden from the moonlight. Kakashi took note of the boy's increasing height, apparent even from his stooped angle.

"Have you gone to see Naruto yet, Sasuke?"

The dark-haired boy shook his head 'no' and said, "It's my birthday." The Uchiha watched Kakashi's expression from the shadows of the apartment building. He seemed to be holding his breath.

Kakashi arched a brow. "And? _You_ came to speak to _me_. If you want to talk, then talk. I will take you to Tsunade if you are not finished within five minutes." It was longer than the boy deserved, and Kakashi knew it. He wondered that he hadn't already taken his student-turned-missing-nin prisoner.

"I want my present."

"Your...what? Present?" Confused by Sasuke's choice of words, but curious enough to pursue it, he asked, "What would you like?"

"Hn."

Naruto was right: Sasuke was faster than before. Before Kakashi could react, the boy had yanked down his mask and pressed fine, thin lips against the jounin's. His prodding tongue found his sensei's in between a gasp of surprise, and Kakashi's body reacted even if his mind was still choked with shock.

Sasuke took his fill of a mouth he'd only imagined would be so willing, taste so good. He memorized the feel of Kakashi kissing him back, hungrily sucking his tongue deeper. Briefly, Sasuke wondered if the spark of lust he sensed was enough to get Kakashi to let him into the apartment…however, he pulled back at a noise from behind Kakashi.

Something dangerous flashed behind widening black eyes, and Sasuke muttered, "Thanks," before disappearing.

Kakashi stood at the window a moment longer, Sharingan scanning the night with unblinking ferocity, but there was nothing. Sasuke was gone. The darkness and sudden loss of contact left him feeling bereft and disappointed. Not what he expected.

"Ka-ka-shi? What are you…what are you doing over by the window?" Iruka's sleepy voice filtered through the haze left in the wake of Sasuke's gift-taking and the jounin crawled back into bed.

Snuggling up to the brunette, he kissed his lover's forehead and mumbled, "Nothing. Sleep." Iruka was dozing again in seconds, wrapped securely in his arms, and Kakashi wished it were so simple.

* * *

**(Sasuke, age 17) **

When Sasuke and Naruto teamed up to take the chuunin exam, everyone scoffed at the _pair_ who had the audacity to compete against other three-man teams.

When they passed without incident, no one even joked about it. They were the perfect fighting unit, a graceful example of symmetry and balance between partners.

Naruto had heard someone say so and leaned over Sasuke's shoulder to whisper into his ear, "They should see us in bed, then." He snorted and laughed as he backed away, still grinning at Sasuke. The Uchiha's cheeks burned, but he shoved the fire down by force of will.

It was on the night after the exam that Kakashi announced he was taking them out drinking as their official welcome to the adult world. They were chuunin now, he'd said, and it was time they started acting like chuunin.

Iruka had smacked Kakashi's ass at the comment, and Kakashi made a snide remark about the misconception that a spanking constituted punishment. The brunette had blushed and looked away, mostly to hide his smile. No need to encourage Kakashi, after all.

Becoming a chuunin in Konoha meant your genin sensei was expected to get you drunk for the first time, in celebration. A coming-of-age ritual, of sorts, handed down through the generations of Leaf nin. Oddly enough, it was something Kakashi had been looking forward to for a while, contrary to Iruka's protests that the boys really didn't need to take up drinking when they were just finally getting things worked out.

Sasuke and Naruto followed the silver-haired jounin and his tan boyfriend across a wide, low room full of raucous shinobi and took a seat at one of the small round bar tables. Sake was ordered and brought. Then, a second bottle. The boys seemed to hold their liquor well, and in truth, it was only Sasuke he'd worried about. Naruto's demon would probably take care of most of the intoxication, though the boy had alluded to coming to some kind of "agreement" with it a few days earlier. As they worked their way through bottle number three, Kakashi noticed Naruto looking a bit shaky and definitely uncoordinated and decided he'd been right about the nature of that agreement. Sasuke, on the other hand, was looking as stoic and steady as ever-except for the tremor spasming his leg violently under the table, shoved as far from Naruto as he could possibly stretch it so the blond wouldn't catch on.

He was drawing close to his limit. As Kakashi watched, he was sure he saw the Uchiha's cheeks flush and a thin sheen of sweat from across his brow. Of course, Sasuke would never admit that he needed to stop, not in front of Naruto.

"Eh, Sasuke, can I speak to you outside for a minute?" At Iruka's questioning look, Kakashi winked and nodded slightly to reassure him that Sasuke would be okay. He'd caught Iruka's worried glances toward the dark-haired boy and knew it would ease both of their minds if he got Sasuke out of the bar for a while. Fresh air would do him some good.

"I…yeah…just…just a minute." As Sasuke stepped past, Kakashi put his hands on the boy's shoulders to steady him and, hopefully, catch him if he fell. They stumbled through the crowd, bursting out of the doors and into the street, taking in the cool air and traffic and people at once. Sasuke looked queasy, so Kakashi grabbed his hand and pulled him around a corner into a darkened niche-like alley just off the main road. Most of all, it was away from the people and sounds of the bar, and Sasuke could vomit in peace.

Though when Kakashi looked over at Sasuke in the dim light of the alley, the Uchiha didn't look ill, at all. He looked…looked like…"Itachi…"

"What? What the hell, Kakashi?"

Kakashi faked a curve-eyed smile and patted Sasuke on the arm, mumbling, "Mah, I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun. I know you don't want to hear it, but there are moments when you look like him. It's disconcerting."

"Yeah, well, it's _disconcerting_ when Itachi's ex-boyfriend—" Sasuke ground out the words, paused, and then disappeared. The voice continued behind Kakashi and he spun only to discover he was trapped between the boy and the wall. "—suddenly calls me by _his_ name. I refuse to live in his shadow."

Sasuke's palms slammed into Kakashi's shoulders, shoving him against the wall. Rough brick and mortar scratched against his back, but the jounin no longer cared. Sasuke was kneeling between his legs. Dark, black eyes held his gaze as the teenager's hand worked at the fasteners on the front of Kakashi's pants.

Breath hot and shallow, alarms were sounding in the jounin's ears, but Kakashi found himself helping, adjusting, grabbing a handful of silky black Uchiha hair. He shoved Sasuke's head down on his cock, ignoring the gagging sounds the boy made until he'd adjusted to Kakashi's length.

"Sas—" Sasuke's hand shot up, fingers covering Kakashi's masked lips as he worked. The message was clear: no talking. Not about Itachi or what Sasuke was doing. No terms of endearment or gasped names. What was happening wasn't about love, only need. Sasuke's need to make a mark in Kakashi's mind, to overwrite Itachi, to overcome his brother one last time. Kakashi's need…

Kakashi's need was telling him it was nearly time, that he wouldn't last much longer under Sasuke's talented mouth. He yanked back on the black hair twined around his fingers, and an audible pop lingered in the air between them for two long, pulsing seconds as Kakashi stared at him. Then, the jounin lifted the boy off of the ground and up into his arms.

He held Sasuke with one hand and used the other to yank the Uchiha's pants down his thighs. Quick, heavy strokes into Sasuke's entrance stretched him a bit too roughly, but Kakashi slowed his fingers when the boy started whimpering, gently massaging the muscles that freely loosened and flexed around him, losing himself until Sasuke whimpered again, already closing in on his climax. Kakashi's fingers withdrew, replaced by the blunt head of his cock, still soaked with Sasuke's clinging saliva and his own sticky precum.

When he pushed in, it was Kakashi who whimpered and whined and Sasuke yanked down Kakashi' mask, grabbed the jounin's hand, and shoved the man's fingers into his own mouth. They tasted like Sasuke, every intimate part of the boy-_No, he's a man, now._-and Kakashi thrust harder until white bursts of light appeared before his eyes, and he threw his head back, filling Sasuke-_N__ot Itachi_.

He grabbed Sasuke's cock and pumped…_one, two, three_…

The Uchiha was so pretty when he came; Kakashi felt a sudden, fleeting jolt of jealousy toward Naruto for having Sasuke to himself.

_Not completely to himself._

He pursed his lips, lowering Sasuke to the ground and fastening his own pants. Sasuke did the same, muttering, "I need to go clean up," before disappearing.

Alone, Kakashi stumbled back into the bar, pausing to wash his hands, making apologies for Sasuke, assuring Naruto that his lover would be fine and he should stay to enjoy the rest of the night.

Sasuke's taste lingered on the corners of his mouth and he found his tongue randomly flicking out to lick them, savoring his sacred secret.

As he leaned back in his chair to watch Iruka smiling and teasing Naruto, something hard solidified in Kakashi's heart. There were simply things they couldn't know. Things Iruka couldn't know.

He scowled behind his mask. His fingers twitched on the tabletop, reliving the memory of slipping softly through black Uchiha hair.

**[ . end ]**


End file.
